Peace of Minds

I'm suffering from the loss of someone

War is closely linked to death. Not so long ago, death in combat seemed a distant and improbable event. The sudden death of someone close can leave us in a state of shock, especially if we're emotionally attached to the person.

We may feel lost or empty since the death because a part of us died with the person. We may have difficulty accepting the reality of the loss, avoiding what reminds us of the death. There is also an inability to trust since the death, bitterness and/or anger linked to the death, difficulty in getting on with life. In terms of emotion, we may feel numb since the death, with a feeling of emptiness without the deceased person that can go as far as shock.

The problem is not so much death as loss, the severing of a link between two people. We're all different when faced with the loss of a loved one; no two people experience loss in the same way. The grieving process involves accepting the death and adapting to life in the absence of the loved one. It's normal for this to be accompanied by emotional pain linked to the loss. The process varies from one person to another. It can take several months and may last longer or become more complicated if the suffering persists over time.

    When emotional pain persists following the loss of a loved one, we speak of prolonged grief. After the loss of a loved one, the bereaved may experience symptoms of distress on a daily basis, with disabling intensity that includes:
  • Involuntary memories or intrusive thoughts
  • Intense periods of torment
  • Intense nostalgia for the deceased, who is painfully missed

Loss can be traumatic for both adults and children. The purpose of mourning is to accept the reality of the loss, to feel the pain of grief and then to adapt to an environment where the deceased is absent. It involves grieving for the loss of the life you shared with the deceased.

However, the relationship with the lost one is not dead... as long as we're alive, this relationship exists. In fact, it's very important to keep the relationship alive! Remembering the good times, what the lost person gave us, what they taught us, how they might have seen us, helped us, what we share as values and anything else that's important to us... all the living traces that are within us! This can lead to tears and regrets, but also to smiles and laughter... emotions that are important to welcome and accept.

This is essential so that little by little the pain and suffering subsides and all that we shared with the deceased becomes a strength, an energy that comforts us so that we can continue to invest in life. It's also a beautiful tribute to the life of the deceased, recalling the happy memories and not just the tragic event.

"Grief is not just sadness, it's about love... with all its contrasts, it's about the deceased... and above all, about the survivor... Grief has a future... the deceased has not quite disappeared. Grief sheds light on the meaning of life... At times, it is a place of beauty and emotions."

Alain Sauteraud. Inspired by the book "Living after your death" by A. Sauteraud

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